Through the 2-way mirror.
What you found there
and why.

Discuss

Dear Applicant,

Thank-you for considering _______ as a potential employer/employee. Your resume has been reviewed and we are simmering with excitement to interview you for the job of  _______.  In order to get the address for an in-person interview, we need you to take this assessment test so we can determine if you really 'get' us.

The test is timed, the answers are not.

Please                   begin                                                         

                      

                                                                 now

1.  You are applying to the position of OM.  What is this?

a)  University of Mississippi

b)  The restaurant and lounge in Harvard Square
c)  A Panentheist

d)  The very first Olympus camera  (bonus points for knowing year of introduction)

2.  How do you spell 'Humor'

a)  Humor

b)  Humour

c)  Yuma

d)  Wit

3.  PG loves us (as stated in our introduction).  Who and/or What is this PG?

a)  PG:EuroTLX

b)  PG Tips

c)  Pelham 'Plum' Grenville Wodehouse

d)  I don't know

4.  Let's say you have a list of numbers you have just imported and some of them are those so-called negative numbers (mirror negatives). Your job is to convert these to valid negatives that someone will recognize. For the purpose of the exercise we will make the range A1:A100. In cell B1 enter this formula; = Substitute (if(Right(Trim A1))="-",R(T(A1,A1),"-","",2)+0
 
a)  Ask me something I don't know*
b)  Yes
c)  No, thank-you
d)  6
e)  Chicago

* why don't ya


5.   Is Ivor Lewis an oesophageal lesion, the Postmaster General or that grump down the street




6. Why should we hire you?

a)   I could wear lots of hats
b)   I level people with snooty accent
c)   I went to school yet learned nothing
d)   I can't punctuate
e)   I like free lunches
f)   All of the above
g)   None of the above
h)   Some of the above

End of Part I

The Federal Government wants to know some things. Please use a check mark to indicate your answer:

Are you a guy or a gal

Yes ( ) No ( )

Race
Tropic of Cancer ( ) Tropic of Capricorn ( )

What are you

US citizen ( )  

MI5 ( ) MI6 ( ) Mossad ( ) Chairface Chippendale ( )

what was it

    

     

How much Text
 would a
 Brailler Text
 if a 
Brailler
 could Text Text?

Yes, I'm just as confused.  But honestly, after not working for six months my mind has really gone downhill.

Not brought up to work. Not brought up to do anything really (and sooooooo glad to have passed that ethic down to my children) so am completely surprised that I actually enjoyed having a job. Well not as over-joyed as if I had been bunking down in my bed-sit in Hampstead and working in the theatre, but never mind that now. 

Where was I.  Ah yes, I was actually going to write about ME, like, REALLY ABOUT ME. Like all those blogs I read that are mind-numbingly (spell check has that as 'fumbingly') boring. 

Why?

Because I was overcome by the urge to try and wrap my head around my Braille teacher casually mentioning that she was having a spot of trouble mastering swipe-text (or as Android prefers - Swype. Which begs the question, 'Is there an app for middle english translation').

Anyway, I was more than a chy fash* when she started talking about her playlists.  I didn't know where to think/look.  How does ......no, wait...I mean....I don't even know how to get the damn music onto my 'phone............how does a blind (okay - 'non-sighted') person even...I.....I just couldn't get my brain to start thinking about this.  I didn't know how to ask and anyway was dumbfounded  by the fact that while giving me this fantastic piece of information, she was cleaning out drawers and re-arranging files....
Did I mention she's BLIND?

Yeah - so I'm learning Braille, kinda.  It's hard.  But loads of fun to go sit in a totally wireless cafe in Palo Alto with my Brailler (also totally wireless) and practice the alphabet.  I'm really super A through M then I run into brain problems.

SO - I don't know how anyone over the age of forty can get a job these days.  No, nothing to do with the economy especially here (see previous posts) where every restaurant is overflowing with mini-moguls and their ilk. And their ilk.
And their ilk sure ain't me, baby.
The problem is the job posting itself.  
I can't even figure out what the title means sometimes.
I mean, honestly, what would YOU think if you saw this -

 PMS knowledge with OPERA?

I'm not making that up.  And I do know a LOT about (the) Opera.  And PMS. And I remember knowledge. And  I know what 'with' means.

But if one tries to do any research, you either get to Hospitality websites, Peri-menopause relief or, my favorite

Which kinda fits with the Menopause theme.

Or suddenly I'll get an email that says that I'm a perfect candidate for this job:

 -手机游戏开发工程师 / Mobile Developer Beijing.


Very disconcerting.


Time for                                (wait for it)

* (a) Little Confused - Middle English or  maybe I'm just making a gallimaufrere**

** Russian word galimatya, presumably akin to gallimaufrey