Muzak Stole My Boyfriend's Soul

  (and I apologise in advance for the use of screaming CAPS)

I don't even know what that means as I was, not exactly, drunk, but certainly not in my right mind.
One of those, 'What are you KIDDING ME?' moments.
Of course I know about Muzak.
It was a company. In Omaha.
How did I know about it?  How does ANYONE know about ANYTHING I wanted to scream over my Arnold Palmer (I can't believe I admitted to drinking that).

At least I can't remember knowing where I learned much.  (That's not even a sentence is it)

SNBF however trumps my story (as he always seems to do - in a very sneaky yet masterful way), of knowing about Muzak from friends who were studio musicians in Omaha, by telling me that, when, as a young tyke, he got some sort of decoder from Muzak and learned how to separate the Music/Muzak from regular FM (like I understood any of this) because of a Popular Electronics subscription he was given by grownup friends in the States

I thought the story ended there, but no. Of course not.

Because then I learn that he worked with a Muzak system on his Kibbutz (you did know he was an Israeli, right - which can give y'all an easy stereotype) - and then when he rushed off to NYC he installed Muzak through 'phone lines, which was, apparently, completely backwards.

OR SOMETHING

 And I was so proud about Nebraska of all things.

Nebraska - my experience of which was screaming the entire way across the state because it was so damn FLAT and UGLY.
Iowa's rolling hills (yes I said something positive about Iowa. So sue me) at my back.
 The Rockies in front of me, my head stuck out the passenger window like a dog.

A screaming dog.

I don't think we stopped to eat, pee or sight-see, unless you count my (then) husband* pointing south and saying, 'That's Lincoln'.

And I'm not exaggerating.  South Park bears this out: http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/150953/grandma-song



But what I really wanted to write about was the moaning and whining of men when they get a cold.
A cold.
A COLD
A COLD

You'd think they'd just been diagnosed with terminal Pneumonia and limb-falling-off disease.

babies. all of them.

And as a sign-off - My best friend was just outed on Facebook by her daughter.
What did the poor stressed woman dare to do?

Eat a gallon of Ben and Jerry's Vermonty Python/ Coldstone Cookie Batter ice-cream.


This is NOT A CRIME.

What IS a crime is driving across Nebraska without the aid of an IV Morphine drip, sunglasses and a coke.




*need an appellation for ex-husband if I insist on mentioning him.  Possibly 'exH'.